Saturday, May 22, 2010

On the Road Again

Wow. Airport security at Boston is even more of a hideous production than ever, now that they've got one of them newfangled 'body scanners'!

Based on my experience, you have to stand with your feet carefully placed on this footprinted mat, facing this blue screen (possibly they'll add in a creative background later!), with your hands raised above your head, while you're bombarded with mysterious invisible rays that I suspect will eventually be responsible for a new race of mutant humans who can see through people.

And then they pat you down, just in case the body scanner missed something, which it almost certainly would if I were plotting nefarious acts and had any clue what I was doing. You may ask: does this offer a significant advantage over the old x-rays?

Well, it does take longer and involve more physical contact with strangers, which is what I'm usually looking for when I travel*, so on the whole, yes, a net plus.

But whatever, right? I feel super secure, except for the nagging sense that I might have lost my wallet, belt, watch, ID, phone or boarding pass while undressing and unpacking for the big show, and that's the important thing.


*Wait...that sounded kind of weird.

.

3 comments:

annajcook said...

Maybe they'll let you pick out your own customized background for the body scan eventually? "Ma'am, would you like the waterfall or the autumn leaves while we scan you unauthorized liquids"*

undressing and unpacking for the big show

When I read that, I thought "and somewhere, some cultural historian or theorist is right now hatching a PhD thesis around the public performance aspect of airport security post-9/11"...which I suppose just proves what a certifiable academic nerd I am.

*thanks to your post, everything I write now takes on a vaguely nsfw quality!

A'Llyn said...

Ooh, I hope they do let you pick a background!

Maybe they'll also let you order print-outs to send the folks back home. "Look ma, no explosives!"

A'Llyn said...

P.S. I would also be interested in reading that thesis.