Good News for Beer-Drinkers

At least, not bad news. When you break it down, it's actually pretty much the same thing that research usually gives us: moderately interesting news that is not a license for extremes of behavior.

But that's not the stuff of headlines! No one wants to hear that something moderately interesting has been learned.

You can blame a sensationalist media with a fondness for grand sweeping statements if you like, but my new theory as of two minutes ago is that we all (sweepingly! and without exception!) want a license for extremes of behavior, and unless you promise that, you got nothin' in terms of public interest.

Anyway, the story is that researchers in Spain got some volunteers to exercise until they were about to fall over (as so many of us do so often), tested "their hydration levels, motor skills, and concentration ability," and then gave them either water or beer.

Upon further testing, they found that beer was slightly better at rehydrating the volunteers. Yeah, it even says "slightly" right in the news item, which means that in practical terms the results may not even have been statistically significant, but whatever. That's boring talk that does not lead in the direction of license for extremes of behavior.

Beer drinkers are celebrating, but obvious questions arise. For example, the study involved "two pints of Spanish lager." How can we be sure that, say, Belgian lager would have a similar effect? Or Spanish ale? I imagine that future studies to compare the rehydration effects of different beers are forthcoming.

Inquiring minds might also want to know how beer compares to those specially formulated neon-hued sports drinks one sees, and further, how it compares to chocolate milk, which another study suggested is superior to the aforementioned sports drinks in this department.

Inquiring minds, when you come down to it, desire to know what is the King of the Rehydration Mountain, the better to make sweeping statements about how we should all go forth and drink whatever it is until we're about to fall over.

License! I'm telling you, it's about the License!

Honestly, I'm rooting for chocolate milk.