Sunday, January 23, 2011

Make a Better Curse

Speaking of monsters, which I do from time to time, there's a good point on Pharyngula which I have sometimes thought myself: if your monstrousness is supposed to be a horrible curse, make sure it actually does something bad.

Also, it turns out, vampirism gives its victims a hypnotic glamor that makes them irresistible, and also an awesome sexual stamina. There is a cost, in that they have to drink blood, but it turns out that nipping a pint from a willing and enthusiastic partner once a week, preferably during the throes of orgasmic ecstasy, is enough to fuel all those superpowers.
So I'm having a little difficulty getting into the story. Every time the protagonist moans about her curse and these evil, rotten vampires who must have their heads ripped off before they eat her baby sister or whoever, I'm thinking the story should be about getting this poor crazy woman into a mental hospital to address her self-esteem issues, and about how she should be joyfully trying to share her gift with her family and friends. It's very confusing.

Ha. I haven't read this book, whatever it is (the title is not given, presumably to protect the innocent or something), but it's definitely true that some of the modern vampires are so glamorous and cool that you don't particularly feel sorry for them about their 'curse.'

Now my vampire book that I just this minute thought up is going to feature really, horribly cursed vampires.

Right off the top of my head, I think they'll have to drink blood (I mean, you're not really a vampire without that), but they'll really loathe the taste of it, so they'll feel sick all the time. Constant nausea!

That makes it hard to get stuff done. They'll be trying to use their special powers, which incidentally will be few and feeble, but half the time they'll just starve to death because they can't stand to feed.

Plus, they may be bristling with pustulent boils. That cuts the glam factor way down.

I'm still working out the rest of the details.

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