Ensure Domestic Monster Tranquility

I was intrigued by this Slate article about the monster-fighting activities of various US presidents.

I suspect there's a secret additional line to the presidential oath of office, something like

...preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States--from monsters.

I certainly hope so, anyway.

Oh, Come On!

After all my watchful eyeing of the shadows at previous meetings, this is the year there's a zombie hunt at MLA? When I'm on the other side of the country?

That's it. I want Boston to have liches. They're powerful magic-using undead. Way more challenging than regular zombies. All the zombie-hunting in Seattle should give people the practice they'll need. It'll be magnificent.

Less Drama Than Expected

So being a vampire never did much for me in Oblivion--I just stopped sleeping, pretty much, and the negative effects were minimal--and it's turning out that being a werewolf isn't doing much in Skyrim, other than (conveniently!) preventing me from ever catching any of the weird diseases that abound, like 'rockjoint.'

It's true! Beast Blood makes you immune to everything. For that reason alone, I think werewolfhood has been good for me, although honestly I never remember to use my power and actually turn into a wolf, so I'm missing out on a lot of excitement.

I should also explain, though, that I have the good kind of werewolfiness, where I don't change form uncontrollably with the full moons (how does that work with two moons, come to think of it?) and kill everyone around me.

I can change any time I want! And only when I want!

But I like my greatsword and heavy armor so much, it just never occurs to me to turn into a wolf and maul enemies with my bare teeth. So yeah, I kind of expected the life of the werewolf to put more demands on me, but what can you do? I guess the pack isn't into hassling people.

Maybe Just Change the Mascot Already

A strongly written couple of posts on the Native Appropriations blog basically just completely explain why we should probably back off the whole "Indians as Team Mascots" thing.

I mean, those of us who were ever on that thing. I have never felt any attachment to a team with a problematic mascot, so I suppose it's easy for me to say.

But look, people who are in a better position than I am to speak on such things say that something is hurtful and offensive. With science! Is this thing really so important that it's worth knowingly continuing to hurt and offend people, or can we just drop it? (I know, I know. The answer in many cases apparently is, "it's totally worth it! Yay team!")

I'd like to point out, though, that it could be a nice boost to the economy if all these schools hire designers and stuff to make new mascots. And promote new mascots! And sew new mascot costumes!

Jobs could be created here.

Since the basic idea of the mascot is to present a terrifying face to one's opponents, I recommend that these schools pick from among the popular monsters of today, like zombies, sexy vampires, deadly viruses, and of course killer robots.

And in answer to the plaintive cry of "but where do we draw the line on what's offensive? How do we know zombies aren't offended?" I will merely say that classic zombies aren't offended by anything, duh, but if any do come forward to protest their mascotization, we should of course take their concerns seriously.

Right after beheading them and setting them on fire to make sure they don't get our brains. Safety first.

"Yup. Aliens" Movie Review: Attack the Block

Tonight we had a free preview screening of Attack the Block. I did not know anything about this movie other than that the promotional materials (tag line: "Inner City Vs. Outer Space") suggested an alien invasion in, I don't know, the inner city, and that the title was kind of silly.

These days it's so easy to know so much about movies before you see them. It's actually kind of fun to go in with no particular expectations, and just sit there in the dark waiting to be entertained. Or bored silly. Or possibly disgusted. You never know!

In this case, we were entertained. I found out afterwards that this movie was produced by the same people who did  Sean of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, and that was not surprising at all. It had the same mix of horror and hilarity. In fact, I will coin the cumbersome portmanteau word 'horrorlarity' right now to describe this combination.

Dry British wit! Gore! Get 'em here!

I'm going to just flat out say that if you liked those two movies, you should definitely see this one.

I won't say too much about the story, since that would seem kind of odd after I threw in that little paean to going to movies without knowing all about them, but let's just say this:

Some kids are mugging a woman in a tough London neighborhood when aliens land in meteors. A motley cast of characters attempts to defend the Block (an apartment building) from Attack. Horrorlarity ensues.

It's all fun and games until someone gets reduced to a fountain of blood.

There are lots of classic horror movie jumps and suspense scenes and waiting anxiously for the dimly-seen monsters to appear. They mostly play coy in the threatening shadows, leaping from off-camera in, as I say, classic horror fashion,  and they work pretty well there. What we see of them is reasonably creepy, and I liked the effect of the glowing bits (which, as someone notes immediately, are not eyes).

Nothing wrong with the classics, after all. The story itself is a solid monster-fighting plot, and the characters and the dialogue make it new and interesting. There are a bunch of people with varying levels of friendliness and hostility toward one another, helping and hindering one another's efforts not to get killed.

To warm the medical librarian heart, there are some wounds, some grisly deaths, and one character who's a nurse. She doesn't visit a medical library during the course of the film, but presumably she's been in one at some point, right?

If you like humorous monster movies, you should check this out.

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Staying Alert for Monsters

Well, I suppose I have to salute this wise move on the part of Miller Library at McPherson College: a library guide in the context of a comic book about a zombie attack.

It's amusing, introduces library resources, and recognizes the growing zombie threat on college campuses these days.

Medical libraries could do this sort of thing, you know. Heck, zombies (or vampires, mummies, kelpies, demons...let's not limit ourselves) as a pressing health issue are perfect for us!

There could be references to how you research different types of monstrous infections, the basic sciences, a nod to Evidence-Based Medicine...

Someone who can draw should get right on that.

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Important Disaster Planning Thoughts

Exciting news for probably many people (although not necessarily the same people who are reading this blog):
Today, DragonAge 2 is out!

Pre-ordered, it is on its way to my abode as I type!

I was moderately excited about sending a few stray volumes of one of our print journals down to NLM as a small token of our affection (take it! we wish it were more!), but...dragons! You have to get up pretty early in the morning to be more exciting than dragons.

Also, early in the morning is the last time you want to be excited by dragons. It's not that there's a good time for a dragon attack on the town, but first thing in the morning, before you're even awake yet? Everyone is sluggish, the knights haven't had a chance to get into their armor...

And you know without armor they don't stand a chance of even slowing the dragon down long enough for me to escape with my precious stray journal volumes, which as far as I'm concerned is the main purpose of knights. No, if the dragon must attack the town, I think better the afternoon.

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Monster Update

For those keeping an eye on the approach of the zombie apocalypse, this Sociological Images post about the history of the zombie may be of interest.

I was interested to hear that the zombie is in a way very modern:

What makes the zombie unique from other movie monsters is its unique place of origin. Whereas Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman all have ties to the Gothic literary tradition, the zombie stands apart in having a relatively recent (and proximal) origin.

Check it out.

Me, I'm continuing to focus my attention on the monster under the bed. Something must be done about the Ankle-Grabber!

When I was a kid we usually just slept on mattresses or bedrolls placed flat on the floor, so the monster would have had to be too flat to be much of a problem. It was a happy thing.

I've decided to form a campaign to encourage all children's beds to be kept on the floor to ensure that the youth of today can grow up in the same monster-free contentment I did.

Join me!

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Make a Better Curse

Speaking of monsters, which I do from time to time, there's a good point on Pharyngula which I have sometimes thought myself: if your monstrousness is supposed to be a horrible curse, make sure it actually does something bad.

Also, it turns out, vampirism gives its victims a hypnotic glamor that makes them irresistible, and also an awesome sexual stamina. There is a cost, in that they have to drink blood, but it turns out that nipping a pint from a willing and enthusiastic partner once a week, preferably during the throes of orgasmic ecstasy, is enough to fuel all those superpowers.

So I'm having a little difficulty getting into the story. Every time the protagonist moans about her curse and these evil, rotten vampires who must have their heads ripped off before they eat her baby sister or whoever, I'm thinking the story should be about getting this poor crazy woman into a mental hospital to address her self-esteem issues, and about how she should be joyfully trying to share her gift with her family and friends. It's very confusing.

Ha. I haven't read this book, whatever it is (the title is not given, presumably to protect the innocent or something), but it's definitely true that some of the modern vampires are so glamorous and cool that you don't particularly feel sorry for them about their 'curse.'

Now my vampire book that I just this minute thought up is going to feature really, horribly cursed vampires.

Right off the top of my head, I think they'll have to drink blood (I mean, you're not really a vampire without that), but they'll really loathe the taste of it, so they'll feel sick all the time. Constant nausea!

That makes it hard to get stuff done. They'll be trying to use their special powers, which incidentally will be few and feeble, but half the time they'll just starve to death because they can't stand to feed.

Plus, they may be bristling with pustulent boils. That cuts the glam factor way down.

I'm still working out the rest of the details.
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Huh...Movie Review: Monsters

So I immediately proceed to slack on my stated goal of 2,000 words per day. Because, free movie!

We actually had a choice this evening: Monsters, or Megamind. We chose Monsters, and I'm not unhappy with the decision.

Here's the things about this movie: it has monsters, but it is not your standard monster movie. It is not filled with scream and explosions. It is more a meditative documentary style movie, that happens to be set in Mexico 6 years from now, after spores from space have settled in, making a "infected zone" between the U.S. and Mexico where strange tentacled creatures roam.

The infected zone is the target of frequent and extensive bombing from both sides.

We basically have two main characters who are trying to get from Mexico back to the U.S., trying to work around quarantines and bombing.

It was interesting. I'm glad I saw it. I mostly enjoyed it. It did feel a bit long, which it was not. It's actually only one and a half hours, but it's slow and sort of meditative.

So if you see it, settle in and go along for the ride.

Don't hold your breath waiting for the explosions.

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Ow. Headache.

We wisely and unfortunately did not buy tons of candy for Halloween this year (wise because we never get any Trick-or Treaters and now we're not left with tons of candy, unfortunate because we're not eating tons of candy right now).

And as anticipated, not a single child came to our door, which is actually too bad, because that lucky child could have been treated to something fun we scrounged up on the spot, like the ever-popular apple (everyone loves to get an apple at Halloween!), or maybe a handful of loose raisins.

"Here, kid. Take 'em and git."

Not that the kid would have been allowed to eat loose raisins even if they wanted to (which they almost certainly would not), because we could have poisoned them or something. If we had any poison lying around. Which you never can put past us. A lot of cleaning products have nasty ingredients.

The point is, no Trick-or-Treaters, but I'll keep my eye peeled (and my ears pricked) for monsters and ghosts as the night draws on.

Meantime, I've been watching TV on Hulu (because the regular TV was tuned to sporting events in which I have limited interest unless someone is getting eaten by monsters--and you'd think on Halloween there'd be a good chance of that, but no), and I have kind of a concentration headache from staring at the tiny screen.

Terrifying?

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Making Lists

Since I was just wondering what to pack for MLA, this post from helen-ann on the official blog is most timely with its helpful advice on that very subject.

I especially appreciate the reminder about air conditioning. I'm always freezing cold anywhere there's significant air conditioning, and I would be unwise to forget to bring some sweaters or shawls. I have many colorful wraps from which to choose.

It doesn't address the question of which kinds of monsters to plan for. I tried to find some information via Google, but there seem to be few online reports of monsters in DC (though there is this report of UFOs in 1952). There are some zombies, of course, the related ghouls, and Darth Vader.

The most interesting thing I've found so far is the Demon Cat, but it apparently hangs out in the Capitol, so we probably won't see it at the conference.

There are also the expected ghosts of all sorts, but one finds those everywhere and you usually don't hear about them trying to take over cities, so I'm not going to devote any special level of anxiety to them.

I'll be sure to report if I figure out what particular brand of horror we should be practicing for.

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