Nevertheless it remains that I got a free pass to Australia tonight. The movie, sadly, not a quick trip to the continent itself, which I'm sure would have been most agreeable. Though possibly not after Australia sees this review.
While recognizing the great amounts of hard work that undoubtedly went into it, and the very fine scenery, this movie was...difficult to watch. I kept wanting to raise my head and bellow at the ceiling "is this movie ever going to be over?!" Because it's two hours and 40 minutes long, and I swear I could feel every minute.
Several people applauded when it was over (which it eventually was, my doubts to the contrary), so clearly other people thought it was better than I did. Maybe it was.
But here's what I thought it was: Baz Luhrman repeatedly bonking me on the head with This. Is. What. Australia. Is. All. About!!!!
Gestures at very serious historical issues, without anything really being said about them. Passionate, uncompromising characters who buck convention in often-foreseeable ways. Vast, sweeping vistas (I did like those). Cattle drives. Danger. Almost cartoonishly overdramatic moments. Lessons learned about the human heart.
And this! Is! Hugh Jackman! In manly close-fitting garments!
Don't get me wrong, I have as much appreciation for Hugh Jackman in close-fitting garments as the next person. But if that's what this is going to be about, just send me a picture. (Honestly, go ahead and send me a picture.)
I'm sure this was a labor of love (it has that feel to it), and it was at many times and in various ways lovely to look at. Other people may like it more than I did. I thought it was rather dreadful. Sorry, everyone involved. Good hustle, though!
There were no very clear library tie-ins.
Health messages include:
- Deserts are dangerous
- So are rapidly filling water tanks
- So is getting run through with spears
- So are stampeding cattle
Take those to heart, OK?
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